joe's wasting your time

Heading 2

30,06,08
Viva la España!!!
Watched the game at the only Irish pub I've ever been to that didn't have any english on the menu...my waitress was defaulted to me because she wasn't afraid to speak english...I've never seen a waitress so excited about a 10% tip...seriously. She was not a good waitress, but being a yank I'm horribly incapable of not tipping...maybe the service gets better next time...

Went to work today and it was actually pretty cool...Everyone in the office was so nice to me. I got the walkaround and everyone shook my hand and stuff and made me feel welcome all day...My boss and I were talking about italians during lunch (incredible tuna steak, but a slug came with the salad..."Put it away man!!!") and he said that Italians were very open minded and open hearted...so far I can't really disagree with him.

THERE'S AN ESPRESSO MACHINE IN THE OFFICE WITH ALL THE FREE ESPRESSO I CAN DRINK!!!

and now for the list of little things that annoy me about italy....
1) It's really hard to open doors with these weird old fashioned keys...Not only in the hotel, but at the office they have these types of keys...I bet it was the Germans that invented card locks and the Italians are holding out to spite them... ;)
If there is a fire in my room I will probably die becuase it takes me about 60 seconds to unlock the door...

btw the hotel is great...I recommend it....

2) I heard a def lepard song on the radio
'nuff said.

29,06,08
day 2...Sunday...
My plan today was to wake up early, then beat all the other tourists to La Spezia and Cinque Terra...woke about 8:30...(how ott!) and skipped back onto the roads...Considering that people were still arriving to eat at this restaurant/hotel at 23:00 I guess 9:00 can still be considered early on a sunday...
if anyone cares here's the hotel I'm at...
http://www.paracucchilocanda.it/eng/

anyways step outside and am sweating already...
make my way to la spezia (somehow...), drive a bit, park, walk a bit. go down to Harbour and it's quite nice actually. People are fishing and playing with their dogs (large breed hairy dogs...can't you give them a haircut...they're probably uncomfortable). There are about 50 old people sitting in the shade under the palm trees along the water, so I grab a coke and go join them...Listen and watch old italian people act old and italian, then go visit the tourist office...
got directions to Cinque Terra (I guess you are supposed to roll your r's for 42 seconds when you say terra and you're Italian), but ended up not taking them...I can only buy a parking ticket for 2 hours at a time so I decided I don't want to look for another spot...
that's brilliant the way I talked about Cinque Terra, but it has nothing to do with anything since I didn't go there...anyways it's on my to do list for next time...lovely place. Google it and look at pics...incredible...

Next I decided to sweat some more...
here's my italian travel tip for today...always bring twice as many clothes as you think you'll need cuz you'll just sweat through them all and have to shower 2-3 times a day...
...maybe that's the point behind the 2 hour lunch breaks and closing of all stores...
...can someone send me some clean socks and underwear...j/k I will have to either do laundry or go shopping this week I think...

actually as long as you sit in the shade and don't move it's not that hot...there's a semi constant breeze so far. I'm sure I could get used to this weather, but it hasn't happened yet...so I'm going to complain about it :)

have I mentioned old men and speedos??? Not gonna!!! note to self...don't get old.

I forgot to charge my camera before I left and don't have the charger...this annoys me...I only have half a battery left...

bought another 2 hour car park ticket and go for a pizza...mmmmmmm. Good pizza...

Funny thing is I ordered from one guy...we spoke in english and I gave him money and he left to get help...a girl comes back looking at me suspiciously...i gave her a 50 cuz it's all i had on me, and she glares at me and has to go next door for change or something...I manage my best grazi! and go outside to wait...
she brings pizza and the dude must have told her I was an english speaker and she was suddenly smily and super nice to me...and even attempted some english.
this isn't the first time this happened today...must be some false pre-conceived notions about us native english speakers ;)
they have .66L bottles of beer here...are they trying to outdo the Germans? why not just round it up to an even liter...

back at room now for a shower and nap and air conditioning. Will go to some irish pub tonight for the footy...
got this quote from the intl herald trib at the airport yesterday...it was an old english guy re: football: "22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and in the end the germans win"
Good quote, but I think I'm cheering for spain. Must be the Liverpool connection...and they're way more fun to watch...

I'm listening to Interpol right now...it's really growing on me quite a lot...at first I thought they had 3 great songs, but it's actually a really good album...I don't know the name of the album, but it is an album ;)

28,06,08
Italia part 1....
so get off the plane in Florence (that was half full of yanks...what's this about...) and my first thought is of course...ITS TOO HOT!!!!

Get rental car...why yes I don't really remember how to drive and it might be technically illegal for you to rent me the car, but hey...when in Rome...sweat is probably showing through my shirt at this point as I walk to the lot with all the other yanks. Find that my car has literally 4 inches between it's bumper and the car in front and 2 inches with the car in back...Go back inside the little league airport and buy an english-Italian dictionary...Find that the girl behind the counter who must be younger than me doesn't really speak very good english...I find this odd, but as a native english speaker I expect everyone to understand me all the time ;)
DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM... ;) (Saffa....By day Albert, but by night...)

somehow manage to wrangle car out of it's 'parking spot' and drive around lost like a fool for a while...finally get on autostrada and after about 60 minutes get off the wrong exit, and go to the wrong line in the toll lane...and my italian driving adventures begin...
Spend the next hour driving through small towns with roundabouts while trying to get used to motor scooters on one side, bicyclist and/or pedestrians on the other and watching out for the italians who like to pass on corners (it's true)!
It's actually not as scary as everyone described it...it is sort of like chaos-as-art. I find that if you know where you're going it's easy to get around. The problem is when you don't know where you're going and trying to watch signs as you're entering or exiting a roundabout...
I only got honked at once so I'll consider it a successful drive...
The scariest moment was when about 12 bicyclists entered the roundabout at the same time as me...after a moment of panic I just decided to gas it and hope that I could get out before them...
I didn't look in my rearview mirror, but hey...I haven't been arrested yet ;)

Marvel at how green everything is...even though it's so hot. Must be the humidity that keeps everything green. The weather forecast past and future seems to be exactly the same every day...Low of 20, high of 33.

text from matt: Are there guys just diving everywhere? U should carry a yellow card and just start sending people off.

to test matt's theory I bumped into a dude in the street...He fell over and grabbed his foot...
Doing my best to channel Christy Ronaldo I fell on top of him and grabbed my ankle...there was some wincing, and rolling around...The cops came running up and gave ME a card...can you believe that...One more and I have to leave the country for a week...you can't beat the Italians at their own game ;)

started a pics page...not complete yet, but keep checking back...

27,06,08
VERY excited to be going to Italy tomorrow...get to drive!!!!
so I leave myself with a picture of what Frankfurt means to me...
It's got everything...the Zeil, alcohol, a pigeon, a bike taxi and a passed out possibly homeless person....


26,06,08
So last night it was Germany v. Turkey in the Euro2008 championships...unluckily I drew turkey in a pool...
Luckily Turkey keeps finding a way to squeak out wins this year...they've won four games and led for a grand total of 9 minutes in those 4 wins...So tonight is a big game...there was talk of riots all week...I think all the foreigners were scared, but we decided to go out in public anyways...
The plan is to watch under a bridge near my flat, and coincidentally the bridge also crosses over the river...
I'm just going to put in pics chronologically...
This one I took whilst waiting for 2,0 and mrs. 2,0 to walk up...

It was the Saffas, Paranoid Pete, Matt, Dalucci, the 2,0's, Marius, that blonde german chick, Phil, his friend (john?), Phong and I think that's it...though greg brady made an appearance later
Pete: Greg Brady was a cool dude back in the day...

Saffa said he would be arriving with Pete and Dalucci...he made a comment about 3 bears...
I searched for a gay joke about 3 bears arriving together under the bridge...after about 3 seconds I gave up and just realized we're in Germany...alles klaar....

...it was still light when the game started...

Me (to saffa): You're taking pictures of pete eating....
Saffa: Yeah, it's a rare occasion...

Yeah...eating disorders rock...glad to see you've overcome with the help of your friends, family and a calzone... ;)

so now the game is about to start and there's one dude standing during the national anthem...didn't anyone give him the memo about being patriotic in Deutschland ;)
Saffas response as he took the pic:...Look Moppy's...I've never seen squires so happy...

so the game started, and turkey dominated...They should have won...I lost money cuz of some cheap goal...OK I didn't actually see the winning goal cuz i thought we were headed for extra time and went to buy a beer...jerks!!!!
Ended up 3-2 and the germans seemed happy...I do not...

it's greg brady's head...

We stuck around for a while, but it's hard to stand around the pic-a-nic tables when they've been set down on railroad tracks...


me holding up the wall...really if this wall fell down people could get hurt...

Spain will annihilate you in the finals...

...and something stolen from Matt...cuz it's funny....
He's telling the story of waiting for a train..It's so true...

Another announcement comes from the wench. All the German's around me in chorus go 'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn'.

If you've never been to Germany, this is by far the most appealing part of the language. This is the equivalent for the American's saying 'Oh Man' or the Ozzies 'For Fuck's sake!' except it has this melody to it which is mesmerising. It is actually a cresciendo, beginning with a low humming of the 'm' and then breaking out like some sort of gutteral animal-pleading-for-help sound, culminating in them regaining their composure for the declining 'n'. Simply breathtaking at times.


25,06,08
thanks saffa for putting images in my head of you cuddling with 'the Rock'...who's the girl in that relationship...
Does he stroke your head when you lay it on his chest?

Here's what saffa looks like when he's thinking about the Rock...The word 'swooning' comes to my mind...

and learn to spell...

23,06,08
Marius was that message for me...don't be a jerk!!!
;)

22,06,08
Have Internet back on!!!

Will be off to Italy for 1 week starting next Saturday. Am very excited about this...the area looks absolutely gorgeous, and I'll have a rental car...everything I've read about driving in Italy scares me to death, and I have not driven a car in over a year and a half...what could possibly go wrong ;)

http://www.juke-joint-pimps.com/
and this band at dreikoenigskeller on Friday...not everyday you see a singing, harmonica playing, standup drummer...not to be missed....possibly ;)

Italy is playing spain in the Euro. It's halftime and I have to add that in addition to lying, cheating, and diving - The italians also seem to have mastered holding, trash talking, and complaining....it's like they have a whole team of Ribérys.

17,06,08
apparently I make old man noises every time I get up...

someone needs to invent a 1 speed bike for me.

Is it really possible to re-double your efforts? It sort of implies you're already doubled your efforts...how is re-doubling going to help?
wouldn't it just be easier to quadruple your efforts?
I think this is somehow George Lucas' fault...jerk!!!!

OK back to animal stories...
I was riding home yesterday and saw a panicked dog darting down this 4 lane street...a few seconds later about a 14 year old girl came darting as well and yelling...dog crosses 4 lanes and I'm sort of tracking the dog to see if I can help...girl is way behind so I decide to cross the street and try to catch it as I know the girl can't see the last street the dog darted down and I did...attempted to search for dog and ride up and down a couple streets and come across the girl...I ask her if she spoke english and tell her what i saw...she goes one way and me the other...cross her again 5 minutes later and she's crying, and she keeps saying thank you thank you thank you, but I haven't done anything...I see her about 5 more times in the next 20 minutes and I always say I haven't seen her (the dog) and she always says thank you...
for the people who were ruined by disney...I found the dog and gave it some water and she was reunited with the girl...
for the realists...after about 20-30 minutes I saw no more signs of the dog or the girl...the dog probably survived as it sort of ended up on a residential street and eventually crawled out from whatever car it was under and will be happy with a new owner....
for the pessimists...the dog is dead...

...and i may have possibly teared up (who hasn't lost a pet)...I got called a girl for this ;)

who goes to the zoo and ends up with this as their best pic...

pathetic... ;)

15,06,08
Finally made it to the Frankfurt zoo today. I think it was on my to do list for about 2 years, I just never ventured there...(next up Palmengarten).
anyways the funniest thing was the excitement of the 4 year old (ok 20 something) I was with who got excited at every new animal and had to say hello to every animal that made eye contact...twas quite refreshing and nice in a weird sort of way ;)

I didn't realize I had so many animal stories...most of them involved the coast (where i grew up). The petting zoo with the poo throwing gorilla in Bandon, the seal who I scared while sea kayaking, Free willy, the pets I had while growing up.
if only I had thrown in the New Carissa and the dynamiting the whale story in 1969 with Mike Donahue reporting it would have been the holy grail of Oregon Coast stories...

me: Hey look a peacock...Old people are fond of peacocks
4 y.o.: are you fond of peacocks?
me: no
4 y.o.: see you're not old!
from now on this will be known as the peacock test, but it may have flaws. The peacock test may have to be revised to the "are you really really old" test.
The plain old "old test" might have to be changed into a multi part questionnaire involving questions about soup, matlock, Shakespeare, religion, 60's music etc.

14,06,08
My shopping from today...
2 DVD's (neither of which I'd ever heard of before today..."The Proposition" w/ Nick Cave and "Fido")
ethernet cable
10 protein bars
2 beers (1 already gone)
2 energy drinks (will be gone today for sure)
gum
2 of those things you put on the edge of your toilet to keep things fresh and clean.
...all part of a healthy lifestyle... ;)

and my new favourite German gave me some music from Panteón Rococó...this is Mexican ska and I really quite like it...they played Nachtleben the other night, but I didn't get the MP3's til the day after, or else I would have gone...
The Mexico I spoke about previously had told me about this band a couple weeks ago. Sad I missed them but apparently their record company is German so they tour quite a bit around here...I shall catch them next time they come round. If anyone wants the MP3's just lemme know.

13,06,08
It's halftime of the Romania v. Italia football game, and I can't help but think about something someone (not sure who) told me....
"italians are lying, cheating, diving bastards"...this was in reference to Italian footballers...and I have to say in the first half I've seen a bit of lying, a bit of cheating, and a bit of diving from the Italians....until I hear about bastards from a country that's something like 91% catholic I shall reserve judgement....but whoever it was could be right.... ;)
I really like watching Romania play...they play hard and they play smart.

...and for the yanks..."they" (in my case a german colleague and former french colleague) say that Romanian is the closest spoken language to latin...since noone speaks latin anymore we just can't verify this...if only they had some form of magnetic recorder 1000 years ago....jerks!!!!
...anyways I thought it was interesting so I type away.... :)
...and to the former French colleague (hi Vero) your team sucks too ;)

is the Italian keeper going to rob a train on his way home??? ;)

maybe in the Italian leagues they don't go by the final score of the game, but they have judges that judge how the players played and how the players looked...
oooohhhh style points!!!

This is apparently what I look like at work...look I can't stop smiling...
did I get thin or something???
apparently we have no dress code at work...or wait...it's casual Friday...yeah that's the ticket...

11,06,08
I've also never seen a sprinkler in germany...not only is their energy use low, but they've found a way not to spend the summer wasting water....

as I'm typing it seems that another student protest/parade is starting in Berliner Strasse...
Guy with mic: chant chant chant!
students: Arschloch!
Guy with mic: chant chant chant!
students: Arschloch!
Guy with mic: chant chant chant!
students: Arschloch!

Arschloch is asshole, but my deutsch isn't good enough to get anything else they said...

too much going on tonight...we have the Portugeeks celebrating their footy win, the people running around (some mini marathon - good luck saffa)...turkei v sweden about to start, and now this...
(btw...the turkish uniforms are hideous...I haven't seen anything close to periwinkle (it's a colour) since the French Rugby team peed all over themselves in their own country last fall...)
great, my tax dollars at work again...on a school night no less...yes I'm working so you don't have to...jerks!!! I wish someone had paid for me to go to school...but then my life would have turned out quite differently and I'd probably be bitter and living in the states ;) I like this life better.......and go study or something...

....apparently shooting a squirt gun at the polizei is cool...

Looks like I'll be off to Italia in a couple weeks...that will be France, England, Ireland, Slovakia, Austria, Spain, Nerlands the, Italia and of course Deutschland in the first 7 months of the year...not a bad life at all.... :)))

now I'm done typing and the students are already gone...that was easily the weakest protest I've ever seen...as a result I'm totally against whatever it was you were protesting...and that person is obviously not an arschloch...jerks!!!

Seattle told me last night "you look good like that". Not sure if that means I need to look totally opposite as his tastes might be a bit unfavourable... ;)

10,06,08
The more people you meet the more interesting someone has to be to get your interest.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning because of the weirdest dream about a spider that would not die...
The spider was coming at me yet again when I woke up...I laid there for a while and then realized they don't have garage sales (aka yard sales, patio sales, house sales) here in germany. Is that just a US phenomenon where we sell each other our junk...It was always an entertaining saturday morning to just drive around looking for stuff to buy that you would probably never actually buy in real life, but if it's cheap enough you can find a use for it...
Oh look...a baseball bat....I don't have a baseball bat...I could use a baseball bat...Why just last year I was thinking, my god I could use a baseball bat right about now....It would be really useful...
I could defend myself, kill insects, hit a baseball, make fire...hmmmmm
how much is it....$0.50...I'll give you a quarter...no...ok throw in that sponge and I'll give you $0.50...sweet!!!!

what kind of segue was that anyways....that was a story my mom would tell...I'll start the story with something unrelated to the actual point of the story then switch to whatever it was I wanted to say...:)

08,06,08
It's euro 2008...those in the states have no concept of this. It's like a mini world cup. There are 15 teams from Europe (and 1 from Russia). I'm in two pools at two pubs and ended up with the exceedingly great teams of Turkei and Schweden :(
I confused the swiss and swedes again...I need a map!

07,06,08
So after an extremely long day at work yesterday and very little food (no breakfast, tomato mozzarella sammich for lunch) I finally got home about 9:30 and had decided on pizza at the place below my flat.
As I'm approaching my flat on my bike amongst the massive throngs of people I managed to catch the Italian restaurant readerboard with my pedal and knocked it over. I got dirty looks from everyone...I stopped to fix the sign, but really people you put a sign in front of my flat...I don't hang out on your street.
Anyways after that I didn't want to show my face at the restaurant, so I ended up staying in and just having crisps (purchased for "Feed me. Feed me. Feed me"). Not a very satisfying dinner, but was exhausted after the day and last couple weeks at work...but in a good way. It was great to feel like I'm doing something important at work.

Marius: You and Eric are not typical americans.
that's why he's 2.0.

05,06,08
I love this weather! It's rained every day for about the past week...it doesn't often rain in Germany (when I say rain I mean real rain like back in Oregon). aka. the kind of rain that causes germans to huddle in doorways, alleyways, under cars, etc. The germans love their sun, and panic at the smell of rain...it's hilarious...If a storm is imminent they will start clustering in the covered areas 20 minutes before the rain starts, stand there for another 20 minutes til the shower passes, then talk about it for the next 20 minutes...

apparently mexico and the french girl can't be bothered to remember my name...I'm just "the guy with the beard". now that I shaved again I've apparently lost 10 years, 10 kilos and Mexico and French Girl think I'm invisible.
note: I'm not calling them Mexico and French Girl to get revenge for them not remembering my name...it's just that I don't know their names...and she says she's not french...

is pregnancy is an STD?

Paul: Jamaicans are like you and I. Just a half step slower than the rest of Germany
Paul: You dance like Frankenstein!

There you have it. For a good time at your party you too can hire frankenstein.

and from the I'm smiling on the inside files:

it's the Italian Avril Lavigne...and i got rained on...
yanks!

04,06,08
Abbot & Costello...Harold & Kumar...america's great comedy teams and gifts to the world...you are welcome....

searching for crepes at midnight is never successful....ice cream doesn't cut it...but the pizza place is still open then....

02,06,08
Learning the idioms of a language must be one of the great joys (things like "it's raining cats and dogs" or "can I give you a hand")...a colleague taught me "Scheisse die Wand an".
Literally "Shit on the wall" (shit the wall on)...means something like "shit happens".
however now that I'm thinking about it..."shit happens" probably need some 'splainin' as well...

Marius...Cheers for the advice to get Roth-Händle. I will never ever ever take your advice again...jerk! ;)

So tonight went to the english cinema sneak preview...they show a movie that hasn't come out yet here and they don't tell you what it is...
watching a movie you haven't heard of, and don't know anything about is kind of strange. I think it was called Nim's Island with Jodie Foster and a few other people I never heard of....she got old...
From Taxi driver to Cynthia Nixon (that's not a compliment) in 30 years flat...Must be hard being a woman...

01,06,08
I bought 10 DVDs yesterday...I think I was just bored.

apparently my balcony is better than TV.

apparently in Deutschland it's illegal to ride a bike whilst drunk, and also illegal to ride a bike in the dark without lights...I've never done either of those things...

I've never lied.

I'm boycotting all companies that have pop-ups inside HTML pages...jerks!

and for "my name it is Sam Hall" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fall_Guy

why is it when Iraq comes up in conversation that people put emphasis on the word "Iraq" and point or look at me (with a slight pause). It's not my fault. I didn't attack Iraq or vote for bush...jerks! ;)
America...love it or leave it!