watching old people get on the escalator must be similar to watching a dog try to get on the escalator…here’s how it goes

3 Meters: start to slow down…clutch cane/bags or clench fists…move all goods to left hand.
2 meters: start panicking and prematurely raise right arm to put it on the hand rail thingy
1 meters: look at feet and lower arm to approximate level of hand rail thingy
,1 meters: put both feet at edge of esclator…
pause…
Pause…
block traffic…
Hold hand just above hand rail thingy and lift leading foot (usually the right one)…
wait….
Use these 5 seconds to get the rhythm of the escalator…count the moving steps as they go by…
put hand on hand rail thingy, but only for a second so you can make sure your depth perception is working….
lift leading foot higher, hold breath, close eyes and fall forward….
once both feet are on the steps and you feel yourself moving downward move hard to the right to get out of the way of all the people who were backup up behind you and want to make up time….
go home, watch Matlock/Who wants to be a millionaire and then make soup.

I wonder if I’ll read this as an old man and think times were different when I was young. When I’m old I’ll carry mace and a tazer to ward off of the whippersnappers.